Sunday, 10 February 2013

Update - negative (Depression and ear problems!)

It has been a few days since I have written anything on here, I have got a few draft posts ready to finish and then publish but nothing new has gone up in ages.

I've had a bad time lately, battling with my depression and my ears, but it is a catch 22 situation because my ears have been so bad it has increased the fed up and down emotions I am going through. A couple of days ago the gunkyness stopped in my right ear, however the pain from the pressure build up started. I keep hoping for the leaking to start so I can get rid of this intense and annoying pain but no joy. I have put off going to the GP though, mainly because I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday with the surgeon who operated on my ears. I am partly dreading this because I think they will end up suctioning all the crap out of my ears but at the same time I need this constant problem to stop so I am 100% fit for work, when I eventually find work.  Needless to say my hearing is up and down with this, some days I feel as if i am under water and everything is muffled even when I have my aids in. When I have not got them in I live in a world where only the noisiest sounds are heard.

My depression hasn't just been made worse by my ears though, as a family at the moment we are struggling financially. I know a lot of families are in the same boat so I am trying not to complain too much but through the week my other half was served his notice at work on the grounds of ill health. It was not unexpected and he has 7 weeks to be redeployed in suitable non manual work but still it increases the pressures our family are going through.

I am constantly looking for work which is emotionally draining, I know I have not worked for so long and I am not ideal for telephone work or work in a noisy environment but even places like Asda and Lidl do not seem to look at my CV properly. I have a lot of qualifications but they are academic and maybe this is working against me? Who knows? I do know however that I will be persistent  I do not just need work for the financial reasons but mentally I need to be more than a mum who sits at home tidying up, entering competitions and cooking meals.

Finally - there is no joy on the laptop front yet. We got a new motherboard from the USA but it doesn't seem to work and money has totally run out now! I am currently using the oldest and loudest laptop we have. It sounds like an hairdryer and keeps over heating and closing down so a tad annoying. I am grateful that I have got something that I can use to write and enter competitions but the sooner I have a fully working less temperamental machine the better!!

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Any comments and/or questions I am always happy to answer and will get back to you as soon as possible.
B xx