I hate arguments - I especially hate arguments that could be prevented! Yet sometimes still I erupt like a cork from a bottle of fizz. Sometimes the hate filled horrible words are out of my head before I think. I always shout my message across but then it does not have the same effect as sitting down and having a reasonable conversation. It then almost becomes a competition for who can hurt each other the most, and when 2 people know each other really well that can become dangerous. Anger is a wasted emotion yet I still boil over with it too much that I am called unreasonable and irrational. I then start to believe I am a complete cow, when all i wanted to do originally was to express my opinions to people that I love and love me.
Shouldn't age improve temperament?
So why do I return to the same scenario?
Why is this one lesson in life that I can't seem to learn from?
I am my own worst enemy a lot of the time and I need to be able to talk properly - but surely talking requires both people to be reasonable? Well yeah it does! Perhaps until there is someone who will talk with me properly then I am just swimming against the tide? I just dunno any more - fed up of the arguments but hate to see the back of a relationship that means a lot. It wouldn't be the 1st time this relationship has ended in anger, but it wasn't right on those occasions, so I guess that means it wouldn't be right this time? I just dunno?
Stubbornness is a big issue too - from both parties. My anger tends to fade quickly yet their stubbornness remains. Which is a vicious circle because then my anger ignites some more and I either snap or bury it inside to erupt at a later date.
I'm 30 years old in 14 days I need to be able to cope and handle personal situations in a better way - but I will just be damned as how I do that without compromising myself totally. I am prepared to make some concessions - but only if the other person in question does too. But .... well I dunno....
I am off to sleep on it - things will seem different in the morning, and if the apology hasn't been accepted by then and pigheadedness remains then I will reassess stuff.